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Carsyn’s Toys Are Being Eaten, But By What? I’m On The Case, Criminal Minds Style [PHOTOS]

It’s a good thing that I watch as many crime shows that I do… I’ve been finding some very, very disturbing things at my house lately. My crime solving skills have been called into action to help solve a case right here in the Tri-State.

Plastic body parts, mangled Barbie’s and an unfortunate ending for a toucan has really caught my attention. Case No. 0830 (This is also Jaclyn’s birthdate ;) ) The series of events began a few weeks ago. While taking her bath, Carsyn noticed that her beloved “Zazu” was missing from her bath toys. (Yes, the same Zazu that helped Simba find his way in the Circle of Life.) You see, Zazu, Rapunzel Barbie (we’ll address her fate later) and four water markers are a part of our bath routine. We both just brushed it off, we were sure we’d find him. And, find him we did…

Take a look at this first piece of evidence: A1

(WARNING: Images may not be suitable for all ages. Viewer discretion is advised)

A1

The most disturbing part of finding A1 wasn’t the dismembering of his little beak, it’s that torturing animals is an initial indicator of someone being a sociopath. (AKA… the speedy road to serial-killer-ville.)

A2 Poor, poor Rapunzel Barbie… just when she escaped her evil fake-Mom, this happens! I mean, the poor girl’s hand is dangling! Who (or should I say what??) could do something like that?!? I did also find her foot, only one thou…

A2

A3 Now, I’ll be honest, I have no clue what the victim’s name is. Due to her questionable make-up choices, racy attire and hooker boots (these were not recovered at the scene), I’ve just always called her “Spring Break ’05 Barbie”. I’m by no means saying that she asked for this, but… get it together sister! Now, that being said, she didn’t deserve this torture. (Note: When found, the top of her dress was down, but for the nature of this report, we chose to pull it up.)

A3

Now, counting Zazu, that’s three casualties in one household. In Quantico, my boss, Aaron Hotcher, would consider this un-sub (unknown subject) a serial killer. Yes, my friends, hide ya kids, hide ya wife, there’s a mad man on the loose in Sorgho! Or is it…

There are some very interesting factors about all three victims. There was black, coarse hair, about 3 inches in length at each crime scene. There were also very tiny bite marks on each of the victims. Now, I know from my mentors, SAA’s Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, un-sub’s will often insert themselves into the investigation. I believe this is true for The Barbie Butcher. (That’s what we’re calling him, FYI.) At each crime scene, there was a furry creature seen arriving and exiting each scene, just checking out what was going on. After putting all of the piece of the puzzle together, as I’ve seen my boo Dr. Reid do, time and time again, I’ve named a suspect:

If you see this creature, please call the authorities…

Approximately 18 inches in height, 28 lbs, black fur with white feet, answers to “Clyde”. Appears sweet and playful, but this appears to be the ruse she uses to get to her victims.

IF we all work together, we can put The Barbie Butcher away and all of our beloved play toys can and will be safe forever. Thank you for your cooperation in advance.

- SSA (wannabe) Graves.

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