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Dave Spencer’s Adventures in Sleepwalking

Photo courtesy of Roxianne Messel/Dave Spencer

Last night, I crawled into bed, read some more of “The Hunger Games,” then fell asleep. This morning, I woke up…on the couch!

It has happened again.

I have sleepwalked in the past. In fact, my history with this bizarre phenomenon goes way back.

AND IN THIS CORNER…

My parents were always fond of the story about how I got up in the middle of the night when I was three years old and started walking around the house.

My dad was following behind me but never woke me. I’ve always heard that’s not a good idea. Anyway, he was still behind me when I went into the living room by the piano and urinated in the corner. Well, then he had to step in, laughing the whole time. But who wouldn’t, right? I love that story. Too bad I don’t remember it, but I was only three.

Friends don't let friends drive asleep. (aldenjewell/Flickr)

SLEEPER CAR

Other occasions of unconscious midnight strolls do occupy corners of my mind. Many years ago, right after I got my driver’s license, I woke up sitting in the front seat of my old Mercury.

Freaked. Me. Out.

I mean, I was really shaken up. I went back inside and got back into bed, but I couldn’t go to sleep. I can’t even imagine the ramifications if, say, I had grabbed my keys and actually started that car and tried to drive.

Then again, according to drivers.com, “sleep-driving” would most likely occur if the sleeper were under the influence of heavy sedatives, such as insomnia medication. Thank goodness I went no further than the driveway.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Several years later, I was house-sitting for my parents and was sleeping in the apartment attached to their house. It had been built for my grandfather.

One morning, I woke up and there was blood all over the sheets and a big cut on my knee. I could not imagine what had happened. I went into the bathroom, which was right next to the bed. All the items that had been sitting on a small table just inside the bathroom door were on the floor. And, sure enough, there was blood on the bath mat.

A corner from the plastic top of the table had broken off and some point in the past and had left a jagged edge. And there was blood on it. Apparently, I walked in there in the middle of the night and raked my knee across it and left a trail of blood. It was a pretty gruesome scene. However, despite the minor injury, I was fine. I just had to replace those sheets. And that lethal weapon of a bathroom stand.

And that was the last time there was any evidence of me sleepwalking until last night. And, considering my history of waking up in a car, I’m lucky I woke up this morning on MY couch and not on the loveseat of some lobby in a Des Moines, Iowa Best Western.

Well…at least there would have been continental breakfast.

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