The other day, I beat the crap out of a mosquito.  I have these big veins in my forearms that scream "Dine In or Carry Out" and I get bitten and vein-drained by those little suckers all the time.  This topic came up a couple of weeks ago on my morning show and I got some really interesting calls and advice about how to get rid of mosquitoes and keep them from biting you.  Turns out, some of the most effective ways are found at home- in your kitchen, laundry room, bathroom and fridge.

#1- Fabric Softener Sheets

I heard of this little trick years ago and tested it one night at the Holiday Drive-In.  I was told to get two dryer sheets and just wedge them into my belt loops on either side of my shorts.  You know what?  It worked.  I didn't get bitten one single time and we stayed for BOTH movies.  And I didn't have any static cling or sparks flying out of my butt when I got up from my lawn chair to go to the concession stand.  Fabric softener sheets are a win win, People!  Just don't be a goofnut and rub the dryer sheets on your skin.  You probably won't be bitten by an insect, but you may break out into an awful rash and look like a leper.

#2-  Listerine

Helps fight gum disease, halitosis and bugs!  While the effectiveness of this method is up for debate, the people who claim it works absolutely swear by it.  And they smell minty fresh too and have less tartar.  Get a spray bottle, add some Listerine (or, if you're cheap like me, a generic knock-off), dilute it with water and spritz it onto your body.  Here's the 411.  It definitely smells better than Deep Woods Off and it may actually be repellent to bugs. I say go for it!  But don't be alarmed if someone walks up and tries to tongue-kiss your forearm.


#3-  Dish Soap (preferably lemon scented)

Here we go again!  What is it with mosquitoes and soap?  If you're going to be outside on your porch or patio, squirt some dish liquid into some bowls and place them around the perimeter.  The lemon scent will reportedly attract the mosquitoes and keep them away from you.  Now, urban legend maintains the mosquitoes will die in the soap.  Sad, but apparently true.  So, if you want to be more humanitarian about it, use Palmolive.  At least they'll die with soft hands.

#4- Beer

Now don't get too excited.  There's a catch!  Mosquitoes, reportedly, LOVE beer.  So this method presents a bit of a catch 22.  Pull a Toby Keith and fill up some red Solo cups with beer!  Now, place them around your party and the mosquitoes are going to flock to them. Mosquitoes are allegedly amateur alcoholics. But, if you're throwing back the brewskies too, they're gonna think you're Sam Adams and are gonna be trying to suck your blood dry like you're on the gurney at the funeral home.  It's their version of a contact buzz.  Who knew mosquitoes were basically spring-breakers with wings?

#5- Garlic

Hey!  Garlic allegedly keeps those blood-sucking vampires away . . . so why wouldn't it keep blood-sucking insects away as well, right?  There are two ways garlic reportedly works.  One- you can eat a bunch of it, because mosquitoes hate the taste.  I personally love garlic but have discovered that when I eat a bunch of it, I smell like the Olive Garden when I sweat.  I'm not kidding.  If I've eaten garlic and I'm hot . . . you can smell me coming from a mile away.  And who wants to sit down at the table and carbohydrate load with garlic before embarking on an outdoor activity?  Seems like a lot of work to me.  The second option is simpler and will spare you the caloric blitzkrieg.  Just sprinkle garlic powder around the perimeter of your porch or patio.  It should serve as a barrier and keep those little pests away from you!  Lord knows Rachel Ray throws garlic on everything . . . so why not YOUR deck?

So, there you have them!  Five ways to get rid of mosquitoes with household products.  Do all of them work?  Not sure.  But, according to some WBKR listeners, they have been proven effective and are definitely worth trying.