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Gag Reflex: Dave Spencer’s Birthday Gifts

Photo by Dave Spencer

My birthday was Saturday, and for years now, I’ve told everyone I want nothing for my birthday. Most are happy to comply. Most, that is, except for my mother who told me upon hearing that request, “That decision is not up to you.” So she still gets me a birthday gift. You know moms. Anyway, this year she wasn’t the only one. On Saturday night, a bunch of us went to Logan’s Roadhouse for dinner. After we ate, I got to open my birthday gift from Chad. Yes, Chad bought me a gift, or gifts, I guess. And they were hilarious! First of all, they were in a large red gift bag that just said, “Happy happy happy happy happy, etc.” “Happy” was all over the bag. The word “birthday” was no where in sight. Hysterical. Then, instead of tissue paper, Chad decorated the bag with Subway napkins. Again, hysterical. But then, I opened the bag. Well, you’ve seen the image by now: SnowBalls (gag) and potted meat & crackers (gag gag gag)! And incredibly funny! Yes, I hate SnowBalls. I don’t like marshmallows unless they’re melted–campfire, atop sweet potatoes, in hot chocolate–and that big wad of marshmallow that just swells up in your mouth coupled with that funky pink coconut is just disgusting. I’m gagging right now, seriously. And then there’s the potted meat, which smells like dog food. Only I think dog food would taste better. Anyway, Chad brought new and literal meaning to the term “gag gift.” And it was absolutely hilarious!

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