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I’m Only Two Degrees Separated From Howie Mandel!

You’ve heard about the Six Degrees of Separation, right?  It’s a theory that everyone on Earth is separated by just six degrees or less.  Basically it works like this.  As an example . . . we’ll see how may degrees separate me from. . . let’s say . . . Gwyneth Paltrow.  I, of course, know Jaclyn Graves.  Jaclyn knows Blake Shelton.  Blake Shelton is good buddies with Cee Lo Green!  And Cee Lo Green performed with Gwyneth Paltrow on The Grammys!   OMG!!  I’m just FOUR degrees separated from Gwyneth Paltrow!  (And just FIVE from Coldplay!)  Now, thanks to an old college friend of mine, I’m just TWO degrees separated from HOWIE MANDEL!

My friend Sammy was recently on a tour of Arlington Cemetery and Howie Mandel was on the same tour!!!  Sammy sent the above photo out on Facebook to let us know that he was chillin’ with the star of America’s Got Talent!!   Of course, my brain was churning with evil thoughts.  We all know Howie is a germaphobe, so I was cooking up some really fun ways to torment him (because that’s totally what I would do)!  My immediate reply to Sammy’s Facebook post was “Sneeze or cough without covering your mouth!”  LOL!  But, since then, I have a compiled whole list of things for my friend Sammy to do to torture Howie now that he’s just ONE DEGREE separated from him!!  So, here you go, Sammy . . .

1)  If Howie ever yawns in front of you, stick your forefinger in his mouth before he can get his mouth closed!!  I do this to friends of mine all the time and it is HILARIOUS.  I even do it to my dogs.  It drives them crazy!

2) Sit directly behind Howie on the bus and give him a Wet Willy in his ear!  Sloppy?  Yes!  But it’s a fool-proof way to gross someone out!  (You can make it even sloppier by eating Wheat Thins or Triscuits before hand!)

3)  Get a big ol’ piece of Hubba Bubba, chew it for a bit, then ask Howie if he’ll throw it away for you!  Or, better yet!  Stick it under his seat!

4)  Go to restroom in the back of the bus and start screaming “There’s no soap in here!” or “Can someone tell the driver we’re out of toilet paper!!”

5)  Speaking of toilet paper . . . here’s a good one!  When you come out of the restroom in the back of the bus, make sure there’s a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe and be sure to walk by Howie and brush his leg with it.

6)  Find a kid on the tour bus who’s picking his nose.  When he finally yanks his finger loose, tell him to show Uncle Howie!

7)  Since Howie refuses to shake hands, lick your knuckles before you give him a fist bump!

8)  If you’re sitting behind him, make up some story about infections and how much penicillin it took to cure it.  Be sure to speak loudly enough for him to hear it.  You may also want to make mention that you’re “pretty sure it’s not contagious!”

9)  If the tour bus stops somewhere for lunch, be sure to walk over and eat a french fry off Howie’s plate!

10)  Take off your shoes and socks and prop your feet up on his armrest!  Nothing sends a germaphobe screaming for the hills like the thought of athlete’s foot or corns!

See how much fun Six Degrees of Separation can be??   You may be familiar with another version of this theory!  It’s called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.  Now, I don’t mean to brag . . . but I am just ONE DEGREE separated from Kevin.  I met him once and he had abnormally soft hands.  It complete freaked me out.  It was like shaking a baby’s leg or a JELL-O mold.  So weird (and REALLY gross)!

Me w/ The Bacon Brothers!!

At any rate . . . are you degrees separated from a celebrity?  If so, spill it!  We want to know who and how!

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