Jaclyn’s Got Her “Bowl” Goggles On!
In case you haven't figured this out . . . Jaclyn is, for all practical purposes, a dumb blonde. Of course, she's naturally a brunette, so I suppose it's fair to say she's a dumb brunette who aspires to be a dumb blonde. Tuesday morning, she went to the restroom at The Grand Ole Opry and was "attacked" by an automatic toilet. In her words . . . "it had a very aggressive premature automatic flush and it flushed three times before I had my pants off!" Apparently, the gravitational pull of the toilet bowl was so strong, it yanked Jaclyn's sunglasses off her head and into the bowl. (Sidebar: As I am typing this, Jaclyn just walked up and said to me, "You wanna know why I don't wear rompers?" To which I replied, "Jaclyn, I don't know what rompers are.) And . . . now we're back to the story. Picture it. Nashville. June 7th, 2011. Jaclyn's sunglasses are floating in a public toilet. Check that! According to the midday genius, the sunglasses were being sucked and swirled into the depths of the bowl hole.
Okay. I'm just hear to tell you right now. If I ever have a pair of sunglasses fall off my head and into a public toilet the last thing I will do is dig them out of the bowl and put them back on my head. I will barely walk into a public restroom anyway and am proud to announce that this boy's cheeks haven't been on public porcelain since the summer of 1997. (Picture it. Los Angeles. 1997. Well, nevermind.) Jaclyn, on the other hand, reached down into the bowl, pulled the glasses out, took them to the sink and "washed" them off! Then she brought them outside, told us the story, and put the sunglasses on the table RIGHT NEXT TO OUR KETTLE CORN!! That's not very sanitary, Mary!
Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, Jaclyn decided that the sun was really bothering her eyes and she asked if it would be gross if she put her sunglasses on. Despite the chorus of people dry-heaving and screaming, "Oh, dear Lord, PLEASE don't do that," Jaclyn picked up the shades and put them on her face. Now, I am pretty certain that any CSI with a blacklight could have found horrifying traces of bacteria and enough germs to make the E-Coli outbreak in Europe look like a walk in the park. And there's our WBKR midday gal, Jaclyn I-dumpster-dive-in-toilets Graves, wearing glasses she pulled the depths of a public john. What is wrong with this girl? Someone please explain this to me. This is one of the nastiest things I have ever witnessed. Yes, it nearly rivals the Porta-John scene in Slumdog Millionaire. It nearly rivals something Johnny Knoxville would do in Jackass.
You saw the photo above . . . the AFTER picture. Yes, Monica our Twitter gal snapped that shot shortly after the glasses were retrieved from the Tidy Bowl Man. And, now, you can see the AFTER AFTER picture, when Jaclyn decided that it's perfectly okay to sport sunglasses that smell like a urinal. But, hey! At least the sun was out of her eyes!