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Moon’s Tips on Being a Real Man

Well, a lot of things make a real man. Tim McGraw sang about it.  For me, what makes a real man is a spare tire from drinking too much alcohol, hair that fell out in the shower twenty years ago and a personality that doesn’t want to do anything but stay home. Now, that’s a man. Oh, and one who drinks scotch.

Apparently, not everyone agrees.  A new survey by FemaleFirst asked both men and women to name the top qualities of a, quote, “real man.”  Here are the top five.

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1.  Investigating strange noises in the house at night.

I like to run a fan at night, so the droning sound will prevent noises from waking me up. So, what if someone breaks in? My dog Zoe’s job is to bark and alert me. And, by the way, if you sleep pajama-less, is it appropriate to dress before going downstairs? Or, should you allow an intruder to see you in all your radiant splendor.

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2.  Offering to carry a woman’s bags.

So survey says, carrying a woman’s bag is being a real man. I can’t even carry Debra’s purse, let alone her bags. When she packs she puts anvils in there. When I pick up her bag my arm grows three inches. Her suitcases have rollers on them.. That does you no good, however, when you have stairs to go down and UP! Arrg. My hernia!

 

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3.  Handling the barbecue.

Ah, at last, this is what I do do. Oops, bad expression. I got a Weber last summer and it has been fabulicious.  Steaks, chops, chicken, veggies — I can grill them all.  Unfortunately, most of the time I get carried away.  I think it is the whole man and fire thing. Just can’t get enough fire. But, isn’t THAT manly?

PHILIPPE HUGUEN\AFP, Getty Images

4.  Changing a tire.

I hate it when a tire goes flat. Did you ever see “A Christmas Story“, when the dad — brilliantly portrayed by Darrien McGavin — that’s me. Except, I just call McCarty’s.

Justin Sullivan\Thinkstock

5.  Dealing with spiders.

One of my favorite Woody Allen movie scenes is in Annie Hall, when Woody is called by Diane Keaton to come rescue her from a spider in her bathroom.  Wood heads over, walks in quite disenchanted with the whole concept of having to go over and deal with this silliness.  Then, cut to Woody, in the bathroom, slashing and stamping, hollering as he tries to stomp the spider. She cries out, “Be careful in there”, to which Woody responds, off camera, “Be careful? There’s a spider the size of a Buick in here”.  I love that visual. Cause that’s me, too.

So, there you have it in the survey of What Makes a Real Man, I have one of those qualities — grilling and I burn that.  How ’bout you?

 


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