Let me start by saying that I congratulate anyone who gets married and sincerely hope that they have a long and happy life together. Many people I know are married. Hey, my parents got married. But let me just say...I hate weddings.  Yes, they are a fact of life. Yes, we will or have had to attend at least one in our lifetimes. Got it. Been there. Done that. Didn't take home a napkin. But maybe if the reception menu looked a little like that of former Carrie Underwood boyfriend and current Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, there might be something to look forward to.

Most weddings I've been to, admittedly, have been very brief. I suppose that all depends on the traditions involved. It's just there isn't a short enough period time during which it's acceptable to wear a necktie. Okay, there's another one. Hate neckties. Always have. Thick neck. You get the picture. Anyway, let's load up on the "man food" as Romo calls it and save the weird little mints that melt way too quickly in your mouth for another occasion. I also think wedding punch is bizarre. But I think I've made my point. You know, come to think of it, after the last wedding I attended, there was a reception that featured nachos and salsa. Hallelujah! Or...Jalapenah!