Call me a dork.  Fine.  But, for me, the Christmas season doesn't officially get underway until I get my holiday catalog from The Swiss Colony.  I'm serious.  It is my absolute favorite thing about the holidays.  I know that's weird.  I know it's not normal.  But every since I was a kid I have loved looking through The Swiss Colony book of heaven.  And, according to the insert in this year's edition, I have been pre-approved for a $1,000 credit line and don't have to make any payments until February of 2015.  So, here's what I have picked out!

Now, I must explain.  One year, for Christmas, my parents got my sisters and me gingerbread house kits from The Swiss Colony.  Seriously.  Putting those houses together and decorating them was one of the coolest things ever.  I mean, we built a cookie house, decorated them with icing and sugar and then demolished them with our teeth.  What's not totally awesome about that?  How can you can expect anyone not to fall in love with and be lured under the spell and temptation of The Swiss Colony?

Well, I've been under the spell since and they continue to feed my addiction . . . literally and figuratively.  According my 2014 holiday catalog, I can earn a free tin of "incredible Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts" FREE with any purchase.  That's a $24.50 value and they come in a red, festive, holiday tin.  So, here's what I am eyeing . . .

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Yes, People!!  The Petits Fours!  Every pastry is a piece of art.  They're The Swiss Colony "Customer Favorite" and I LOVE THEM!!!  Vanilla.  Orange. Strawberry.  Lemon. Chocolate.  And Almond!  "Every nibble is an indulgence in sweet aromas and tempting, creamy taste."  I can't honestly describe the internal sensations I am feeling right now without being slightly inappropriate, so I will just leave you with this food-orgasmic thought.  The Petits Fours are available in counts of 24, 36, 48, 72 and, cue the exhaltation of angels, 120!

Now, if a sweet tooth isn't your thing, I highly recommend a variety pack from The Swiss Colony.  As much as I love sugar, I also am equally as fond of meat and cheese.  So, check this out!

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Uh huh!  It's a "Sleigh Full of Favorites" and I just sprang a leak in my elf pants.  Sausage, cheese, The Swiss Colony's Incredible Spreadables, Petits Fours, Candies, Nuts and 8 Truffles thrown in as a BONUS.  And it's just $59.95.  43 holiday favorites for just $59.95.  Santa needs to hook a brother up now!

But I personally think I have been very nice this year.  Now, admittedly, I am prone to being on the naughty list.  I get it.  I do really crazy things.  I have a very inappropriate sense of humor.  I tell lots of jokes that I have to follow with the question, "Too soon?"  But, still, I am a pretty good little elf.  So, that is why I have decided to shoot for the stars this Christmas season.  I am asking Santa for what I believe to be The Swiss Colony's version of the Holy Grail.  The "colossal assortment of All-Time Favorites!"

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OMG!!!!!  OMG!!!!!!!  Look at those glorious logs of meat.  Those mountains of cheese.  The delicious breads.  The tortes.  The nuts.  The jams.  The spreads.  The edible rodent made of chocolate!  And the FREE canister of Butter Toffee Treats!!  81 All-Time Favorites in one magnificent box of holiday love.  Santa, Baby!  Hurry down my chimney tonight.  It's only gonna cost you $129.95 and I'm sure you have the same line of credit Benefield does.  No payments until February 2015 AND a free tin of "incredible" Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts!"

So, what do you say Santa?  Help little Chadwick relive that magical Swiss Colony Christmas when he got to build and decorate gingerbread houses.  Come on, Santa!  Please oh please oh please oh please!

You better bring me something delicious or I am gonna pull a "The Walking Dead" and eat your face off!

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