If you were tuned into Jaclyn's show last week or have been on WBKR.com this week, you know that Carysn (a.k.a The Big Fat Baby) turned two-years-old on Thursday!  Because her cousin Tyler has a birthday quite close to hers, Jaclyn had a big party for the both of them on Sunday!  And, yes, Uncle Chad was invited.  Because I never turn down a potluck, free cake, and the chance to hang out with Jaclyn's crazy-a%$ family, I accepted the invitation and crashed the festivities.  In spite of the fact that I was stung by a kamikaze wasp as soon as I got to Jaclyn's, things were going relatively well until I asked to wear Carsyn's princess crown.  Then, the party hit a very sour note and little Linda Blair started spitting up pea soup and scaring priests! 

This photo was snapped almost immediately after I asked Carsyn if Uncle Tad could wear her crown. I watched her unwrap the thing and launch it across the room like it was the worst present ever!  So,  I naturally assumed that she just didn't like it and there would be no harm or party foul if I asked to wear it.  Well, shortly after this photo was snapped, Carsyn took her big old Go-Go-Gadget arms and yanked the tiara off my head!  I begged and pleaded with her to give it back and she refused!

Moments later, Carsyn demanded that I put her down and she took off running with the crown like someone screamed, "Stranger!  Danger!"  Suddenly, TWO was seeming TERRIBLE!!  But, if there's one thing that will calm The Big Fat Baby it's a big old fork-full of cake.  And, boy, did Carsyn have a cake!

I know in my heart that Carsyn would have been nicer to Uncle Tad if she was told the truth about her birthday cake.  See, her dingbat mother, Jaclyn, called Tad bright and early Saturday morning . . . from Holiday World!  And, like usual, there was a crisis.  Jaclyn, because she's trying to finish last in the Mother-of-the-Year contest, had forgotten to pick up Carsyn's birthday cake, Tyler's birthday cake and the matching cupcakes from The Cup Cakery!  So, who had to save the day even though he was working his behind off getting ready for The Battle For The Big O finale??  Who had to go pick up the cakes so the little girls wouldn't burst into tears Sunday when they realized all they had to eat for their birthdays was pork tenderloin and some nachos?  That's right!!   Uncle Tad!  Uncle Tad had to drive to The Cup Cakery.  Uncle Tad had to swipe HIS debit card through the machine!  Uncle Tad had to make sure the cakes didn't melt in the blazing sun while Jaclyn strutted around Safari Sam's Splashland looking like The Little Freaking Mermaid!  But would Carsyn let me wear the crown?????  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And, wouldn't you know!  Doesn't it just figure?  Who ended up wearing the forbidden tiara!  Jaclyn!   Yes, Jaclyn the princess!   I suppose we all learned a lesson at Carsyn's birthday party Sunday.  I know I certainly did.  The big fat apple didn't fall far from the big fat tree!  Happy Birthday, Carsyn.  I hope you enjoyed your cake, you ungrateful little brat.  And Jaclyn, that crown makes your head look like a pumpkin!