Xennials Don’t Need Your Help Getting Dressed ThankYouVeryMuch
Okay, let's start this off with a little background about me. I am technically a Xennial but who the heck has ever heard of Generation Xennial? It's the microgeneration between Millenials and Gen X, also called The Oregon Trail Generation and Generation Catalano. Some of my friends have babies and some of my friends have grown, working, adulting kids. But what I'm about to say spans pretty much everyone from age 8 to 80.
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND
When I was in college, I worked at a few local bars to pay the bills. One of the nights that is burned into my brain is the night that the Eighties band, Whitesnake, performed at Marina Pointe. One would imagine that people would dig out their favorite Eighties-wear and bottle of Aquanet for the occasion. I learned that for several people there was no "digging." The Eighties-wear and Aquanet were front and center on the bathroom counter. You could just tell... Lots of these concert-goers weren't going again - they just lived there. I called them the Feather Heathers because they looked like Heather Locklear with those glorious feathered bangs.
At the time, I was preoccupied with being giddy that these people could put the beer away and would tip way better than the college crowds. I sure never cared enough to post about it on social media. It did make me laugh a little comparing the Feather Heathers to my dad who loved Elvis Presley and Roy Orbison and never set foot into the music or fashion of my generation. Here's what my dad and these folks had in common - they didn't give a flying flip what I or anybody else thought about their hair, their jeans, or their style.
Fast-forward to today: I never ever ever thought I'd be the one labeled as "UNCOOL" by the youngsters. Yet here we are.
TEACH ME HOW TO BE COOL!
Recently, TikToking Gen Z babies have posted videos teaching us oldies about hip cool fashion. No side parts - no skinny jeans. That's literally my entire identity as a person. Ok, not literally. Is "literally" still a thing? Ack.
I'm all about a cool fashion trend. I did a tutorial on how to temporarily dye your eyebrows crazy colors. I use a flat iron to curl my hair. (Black magic) I even SAVED my chunky boots because I knew they'd come back around. (No, I haven't worn them yet... shut it.) But what I can't get behind is the skinny-jean replacement. And I'm not alone.
Yesterday, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I noticed that The Today Show posted this to social media: Skinny jeans are out, according to TikTok — 9 mom jeans to wear instead. The featured image in the post shows a model wearing some cute flair jeans that look nice and comfy. A quick click into the post though revealed the most horrifying, ugly, unflattering nine jeans that you could possibly find in the deep dark underbelly of the web. Okay, they weren't that bad but they were no cute flair jeans like the model had on. Here I'll show you...
THE COOLEST MOM JEANS: AN OXYMORON
How about these Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda jeans? I think I'll go watch Ina Garten and dig in my vegetable garden later. I actually will do that and there's nothing wrong with them but in what universe are these jeans cooler than my American Eagle skinny jeans? Actually, the photos of the lighter wash version on the Amazon page do look kind of cute but these dark wash ones... eh.
Ok, so what about these Wedgie Icon Levis? First of all, I can't even. Wearing jeans that say "wedgie" in the title. Mmmk. That's a no for me. And my dad literally had these Dad Starter Pack shoes.
JURY? WHAT SAYTH YOU?
Maybe I was being too harsh. Maybe I just don't know fashion. Maybe I'm so old that I clean to the music I used to drink to. (<--- A meme I recently saw. This. Is. 100%. True.) So, I checked the comments to gauge my own feelings compared to my peers. (Shh sometimes I too need validation.) Turns out, I wasn't alone. Let's just take a gander at what other women had to say about the selections...
Women Just Really Hate 2021 Cool Mom Jeans
We are the generation of Alanis Morissette who made a sock cap and flannel looks cool as crap. If you love these mom jeans, rock the heck out of them. My go-to is the American Eagle Next Level jeans. After a couple of washes, they feel like sweatpants and fit great. Ahhh sweatpants... They even have long lengths which is really important for a grand-mama long legs like me.
If there's one thing about Xennials - it's that we LOVE being told what to do, how to look, and how uncool we are. Not. We made being whoever the F we feel like being the coolest look of all.
Wear whatever makes you happy... and sunscreen. Always wear sunscreen.
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