Can We Stop Asking “How Are You?” And Do These Things Instead?

So, the other day I went on a bit of a rant to Chad in the studio. It's something I've been thinking about since the COVID-19 pandemic. Can we please collectively agree not to ask each other, "How are you doing?"

This might sound kinda cynical and maybe even a little whiney. Especially since my life brings me a lot of joy in the grand scheme of things. I love my family, my friends, my pets, and getting to spend every weekday morning laughing with y'all. I really can't complain... However, even when everything is great, there is sometimes still an underlying annoyance with *gestures in the air* the world. It can be stressful considering how we're bombarded with crazy news every day. So much out of our control. Y'all know what I mean, right?

Plus, some folks are just hanging by a thread and trying to survive. I've been there before for sure. We can find better ways to greet each other that won't cause folks to ponder whether or not to honestly share how they're feeling. Does the person asking REALLY care? Or is it just a habit or formality?

We've got different possible scenarios here too:

1. One person asks, "How are you?" the second person answers "Good, fine, etc, how are you?" just as a default response. The first person says "Fine" and we move on.

2. One person asks, "How are you?" the second person surprisingly answers honestly "I'm not good at all, My wife left me, my dog left me, my truck left me..." and the first person, probably not expecting an honest answer is in a conversation they didn't expect because they thought it would go like the #1 scenario. If the second person responds back with "how are you?" Does the first person share honestly? Even if it's positive?

3. One person asks, "How are you?" the second person says "Everything is perfect and life is wonderful! How are you?" Then the first person surprisingly answers honestly, "I'm not good at all, My wife left me, my dog left me, my truck left me..."  probably leaving the second person feeling awkward for sharing their good news.

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I read an article on CNBC about Harvard researchers who have studied effective communication. It started with:

“How are you?” These are the three most useless words in the world of communication. The person asking doesn’t really want to know, and the person responding doesn’t tell the truth. What follows is a lost opportunity and meaningless exchange with zero connection.

Not to mention that considering how many folks out there are struggling with life or their mental health, they may not feel comfortable answering.

Asking "How are you?" is truly just a habit anyway. A popular greeting that has been around for ages. Even in the nineteenth century, it was "How are you/ye?" and before that, it was "How do you do?" Well, depending on the day, you may not like the answer you get if you happen to ask the wrong person.

Let's try starting conversations or greeting each other with these ideas instead.