I’ve Blown Out My Pants at Work THREE Times — Here’s the Proof

I really despise the word "britches." I think that's a rather vulgar way to say "pants." However, for the purposes of this story and series of confessions, "britches" is the perfect word to use. So, here goes. I have split my britches in public three times. There! I said it. Acceptance is the first step in recovery.

A couple of days ago, my radio partner Mary-Katherine and I were wrapping up our morning show to go meet some listeners for brunch. I made mention that I was "going to have to go home and put on something presentable." MKat said, "What? What's not presentable about what you have on? You're wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up and you have shorts on. You look great!"

I then said, "Well, if you must know, I ripped my shorts in the back!"

I walked around the studio console, turned around, and showed her. My black boxer briefs were on full display because it looked like a bear attacked me and ripped my shorts apart.

Mary-Katherine Maddox/WBKR

Clearly, I am not alone. After discovering that the ass-end of my shorts had been shredded like documents you don't want the FBI to see, we shared a photo on Facebook and asked, "Have you ever split your britches at work?"  As you'll see from the comments, I am not alone.

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And, here's the kicker! This isn't even the first time this has happened to me. At least this particular instance occurred inside the confines of our broadcast studio. The first time it happened was during an all-student pep rally at a local elementary school. Let that sink in!

Owensboro's Sutton Elementary was hosting a Red Ribbon Week Pep Rally for students and invited my then partner Angel and me to come make an appearance. Like an overly-caffeinated idiot, I decided to run up and down the bleachers in my Banana Republic pants. And, well, here's what happened!

But nothing compares to what happened during a breakfast full of local business leaders and elected representatives. I had a demoralizing wardrobe malfunction while hosting the Greater Owensboro Chamber of Commerce's Rooster Booster Breakfast. Same culprit- a pair of Banana Republic pants (can you all get some sturdier fabric, please?). I tried stepping off the front of the stage to hug a friend of mine and, when I did, I ripped the entire crotch out of the pants. It looked like a scene out of Magic Mike. Hell, it was nearly a scene out of The Full Monty.  I had to emcee the entire breakfast keeping "little Chad" corralled behind the podium.

So, what about you? Have you ever split your britches in public?