What fresh brand of bloody Hell is this?  As WBKR Saturday gal Barb Birgy would say, "I mean, really?  Seriously?"  Pennywise, move your tired butt on over.  There is officially someone (or something) even scarier than you.  It seems that the citizens of Northampton, England are being terrorized by an evil clown, who pops up and makes random and disturbing appearances on street corners in the city.  OMG!


Okay, Benefield's fear of clowns is well-documented.  I have disliked them since I was a child and my parents forced one in my face at the annual Hadi Shrine Circus in Evansville.  It would have been less traumatic to put a snake in my crib.  My fear of clowns (with their big, infected red noses and their abnormally large feet and those ridiculous bicycle horns, Bozo wigs, suspenders and balloon animals) has carried on into adulthood.  In fact, a few years back I tried to confront my fear head on and take a photo with a clown named "Tickles" (or was it "Pickles?"  I don't know.  But since we're on the subject, I hate pickles too).  At any rate, Tickles decided it would be funny to penetrate my right ear lobe with his rubber chicken.  Now, I realize that the wording of the previous sentence makes it sound like I was violated in a "stranger danger" moment.  And, to me, that's exactly what it was.  I felt like I was in a Chris Hansen segment on To Catch a Predator.

So, imagine my horror to learn that the fine citizens of Northampton, England are being subjected to their own brand of "Stranger Danger."


This complete freak bag is dressing up in clown gear, grabbing a handful of balloons (or that weird clown purse) and lurking at random intersections of town.  Let me tell you something.  While I am not prone to being a champion of vehicular assault, if I saw this thing staring at me from a curbside, I would likely drive Rhonda the Ram straight up his . . . well, er . . . his Skittle-colored Afro.  Yeah, taste that rainbow of flavor, Clarabell!



But, apparently, this freak isn't as dangerous as we thought.  While police have issued some warnings about his increasing presence, some folks have embraced the fact that he's become one of the town's must-see attractions (hence all the Twitter photos).  There's even a Facebook page called Spot Northampton's Clown.  After I popped 3 Xanax to have the courage to sit down to write this blog, I noticed he already had over 108,000 LIKES.  I mean, really?  Seriously?

It's too bad Facebook doesn't offer us a DISLIKE button.  Because, trust Benefield on this!  The Northampton Clown gets a gigantic thumbs down.  And a Dodge Ram up the . . . well, er . . . the Afro.  Yeah, that's it.  Afro.

***Special thanks to my friend Sammy Tanner, who thought it would be funny to post a photo of this complete freak of nature on my Facebook page last night.  I am currently plotting to cut Sammy's brake lines.***