Does Anyone Really Make the Recipes on the Back of the Ritz Crackers Box?
Come on, Nabisco! Who are we kidding here? I'll admit it. I do notice the interesting recipes on the box of Ritz every time I buy a box of the crackers, but I have never actually made them. In fact, I'm not sure ANYONE has.
Look, when I buy a box of Ritz, I have two general uses for it- peanut butter and crackers and cheese and crackers. That's pretty much the range of my Ritz emotions. However, if you look at the back of a Ritz box, Nabisco gives you all sorts of ways to dress 'em up. Some of them actually do look delicious.
For instance, here are a couple of my favorite "You've got the stuff to make life rich" suggestions.
The Family Game Night Ritz: Pizza Sauce, Mozzarella, Pepperoni, and Italian Seasoning. As delicious as that sounds, that seems like a lot of ingredients to put on one tiny Ritz. Honestly, that would be like the equivalent of me and Angel trying the Koala Challenge and having her climb on my back. I would crumble underneath the pressure. I would be her Ritz.
The Season Premiere Party: Peanut Butter (Hey, I can handle that!), White Chocolate Coated Popcorn and Milk Chocolate. Okay, you had me at peanut butter, but lost me completely at White Chocolate Coated Popcorn. That sounds incredible, but it also sounds like A LOT of work. Does Orville Redenbacher pop this? Is he available for my premiere party?
The Book Club: Cream Cheese (a reasonable suggestion), Strawberry Preserves and Toasted Almonds. Look, it's a commitment in itself to get me to sit down and read. If I am going to pop open a book, chances are I am not going to spend twenty minutes before hand elbow-deep in a jar of Smucker's. It's just not going to happen. Sell your crazy somewhere else, Nabisco.
Birthday Party: Melted White Chocolate + Sprinkles. Okay, again. This sounds magnificent. But does anyone who just wants to nibble on a cracker have the time to hand dip each one into molten chocolate. I submit to the jury that the overwhelming evidence points to a big fat NO!
I love that Nabisco remains committed to the agenda though. At the bottom right-hand corner on the back of the Ritz box they write, "For these recipes and more, visit RITZCrackers.com."
So, well, I guess I'll just do the same. If you have higher aspirations for your Ritz Crackers than a spritz from an aerosol cheese can or a spoonful of Peter Pan or JIF, you can see insanely complex recipes for your crackers at RITZcrackers.com. They seriously have recipes for every single holiday and special occasion you can think of- from Day of the Dead celebrations to a Homework Party.
I'm exhausted. Can someone just pass me some cheese?