And just like that, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. But honestly, it's about time. I've been looking at that hyper-red Valentine's aisle at Kroger for over a month.

VALENTINE GIFTS

So what are you getting your special someone? A big box of candy--to make your Valentine AND Russell Stover happy campers? Maybe a nice gift like jewelry or clothing or an air fryer? Maybe you've got a three-day weekend getaway planned. All are excellent ideas...for someone you love.

But what about that formerly special someone who no longer rings your chimes? What about THAT person? Trust me, if you think I've lost my mind suggesting you do something special for that pain in the butt that USED to make the earth move under your feet, well, I haven't.

And what I'm suggesting is no less special.

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EX-VALENTINE 'GIFTS'

To be fair, my suggestion is not MY suggestion. It's a suggestion from another source that you might want to consider, but only if certain qualifications are met. It comes from the Hancock County Sheriff Department and it goes like this:

"Valentine's Day Weekend Special!

Do you have an ex-Valentine and know they have outstanding warrants? Do you have information that they are driving with drugs in their car? Give us a call with their location and we'll take care of the rest.

This Valentine's Day Weekend Special starts off with a set of limited-edition platinum bracelets, free transportation with a chauffeur, a one-night minimum stay in luxurious five-star accommodations, and professional glamour shots that will be posted online for all to enjoy. This special is capped off with a special Valentine's dinner.

We know this special is so incredible that you may be tempted to provide additional referrals. We don't blame you; this special is too sweet to pass up. Operators are standing by!

Copied from another Sheriff's office in Kentucky. Seems like an excellent program."

That is absolutely hysterical. I don't know how many times I've sent it to friends, and I've laughed every time.

Happy Valentine's Day...and, well, Happy Ex-Valentine's Day, too.

10 Valentine's Day Experience Ideas in the Tri-State Guys Will Enjoy

Whether we say as often as you'd like to hear it or not, deep down we dudes like spending time doing things with you, and we're pretty sure you like doing things with us. That's why we're together, right? So, if you're looking for something fun to do that he'll enjoy, give one of these a try.

SEE: 20 Hilarious Anti-Valentine's Day Candy Hearts

One of America's Best Cabins for a Romantic Valentine's Day Getaway is in Wisconsin

Looking to get away for Valentine's Day? This is one of the best around and it's not far from Rockford.