Does anyone remember United Skates of America, the great big roller skating rink that used to be on Park Plaza Drive behind Wesleyan Park Plaza?

When I was a kid, we ALL had so much fun hanging out there. Of course, I need to throw in a disclaimer here...I cannot skate. But that doesn't mean I didn't lace 'em up when the opportunity presented itself.

On any number of occasions, there would be church activities where youth from ALL the churches in Owensboro would congregate at USA for a big party. AND on any number of occasions, there would be school events held there as well.

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But the first time I tried to roller skate, it was a disaster. I fell almost immediately. Yes, I should have had lessons before trying it, but I saw everybody put the skates on and take off and it looked so easy. WRONG. It actually FELT very weird. I was designed with FEET at the end of my legs, not wheels.

But yes, I'd put them on and stay on the carpeted area around the rink. I was still holding on to the railing for dear life but at least I had a lot more traction.

Later in life, I donned a pair of ice skates. That didn't go very well at all. In fact, I stood up on them and then immediately sat down and took them off. How does a dude with size 15 feet stand on a blade that MIGHT be an inch wide? I was done. And that's fine.

So when I watch Eyewitness News meteorologist Joe Bird try his hand--I mean, FEET--at skating on Friday After 5's ice rink (it's there for week nine's Christmas in July), I have to applaud.

It's all for comedy; I get it. But Joe did WAY better than I ever could, even if he DID fall. In fact, the next time I see him I'll have to congratulate him on lasting 13 seconds. That's about 12 seconds longer than I would've lasted.

Yes, JOE needs lessons. But I need miracles.

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