Chad Rewrites Angel’s Husband Joe’s Moving Tribute to Her
As you all know, it's today is Angel's 40th birthday. If you're unaware of that, you have not been listening to our morning show. She has been doing a countdown that rivals the countdown to Y2K. I'm not even kidding. Every single morning, she proclaims, "It's 20 days til my birthday!" Or "It's 13 days til my birthday!" Or "It's 4 days, 12 hours, 36 minutes and 47 seconds til my birthday!" I mean, blow out the candles already. This birthday goose is cooked.
Well, to honor Angel on her 40th, I decided to share with you all an amazing and heartfelt tribute that her husband Joe posted the day after Christmas. It was so sweet and precious and gross. Literally. Where's the Metamucil?
He wrote . . .
My wife is the most amazing woman, she’s super talented and she loves like crazy, she’s strong and brave in ways that I’ll never know or experience. She truly is beautiful inside as much as she is outside, She is my heart and my rock. We always joke and say how opposite we are with so many things, but most people may not know that our stories have so many things that are exactly the same. It’s like our lives were aligned through the heartbreaks and experiences that we endured as children and young adults and that we were always on a course to collide together. By far The greatest thing that’s ever happened to me; by far, the greatest picture of gods grace for me, easily the greatest example of his love for me was when he brought not only the most amazing woman into my life, but the one that he had purposely and intentionally made just for me. She encourages me, she praises me, she challenges me in ways that nobody else on earth even has the power to do so, she is easily one of the most influential people in my life. When I’m scared, she’s the only one who knows it, when I’m down she’s the only one who picks me up, when I’m crazy shes the only one who calms the storm, and at the end of the day she is the only one who makes everything that is wrong in my world disappear with a smile, word, or touch. This world would eat me alive without her by my side and I am so thankful that God gave me not only the woman of my dreams but the one woman in this world who really was made for me! I love you baby!
So, I like Joe a lot. I have mad respect for the guy. He clearly has the patience of Job, when he could easily have the homicidal tendencies of Dexter. He is clearly enraptured by this woman.
But, as Julia Sugarbaker said about Bernice's honker in that Designing Women episode about a nose job, "Obviously, Bernice isn't seein' what's really there." I honestly don't think Joe is either.
That's precisely why I decided to rewrite his tribute to Angel from the perspective of her cohost, who wakes up to and has to deal with this thing every single weekday morning.
Here goes . . .
Joe's wife is the most obnoxiously loud woman. If I had hearing aids, they would explode and blow my head clear to Jupiter. Yes, she’s super talented and she loves like crazy. But she's also certifiably crazy. Like get the jacket that buckles in the back. Shackle those feet. Put that Hannibal Lecter mask over her mouth. Strap to her dolly and roll her on outta here into solitary.
Angel's strong. I mean this girl has biceps like a UFC fighter. I'm not kidding. If she ever puts me in a headlock, my eyeballs will shoot across the room and splat against the wall. If you could transcribe a description of her onto a fortune cookie it would go something like this- She strong. Like ox.
She's also very brave in ways that I’ll never know or experience. Prime example. She knows that if she laughs, she's going to spring a leak. But yet she laughs anyway. This girl pees on herself more than Betsy Wetsy. She's like one of those Wet Willies you hook a garden hose to. I mean, she's had more accidents in our studio than our SPARKY Pets of the Week.
She truly is beautiful inside as much as she is outside. Just ask her. On the days when she dresses up for work (you know, the good days when she doesn't look like she rolled out of bed into a yoga pant), she always saunters into the room like she's on an episode of Project Runway. She makes a grand entrance, stands at the door, strikes some sort of Madonna-inspired "Vogue" pose and then sashays into the room like she's a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race.
She is Joe's heart and rock. She's my small intestine.
We always joke and say we bicker like brother and sister. And the truth is- she looks up to me, because I'm older and statesman-like. I look down at her because, well, she tripped over her headphone jack and faceplanted onto the floor.
It’s like our lives were aligned through the experiences that we endured as young adults and that we were always on a course to collide together. Anyone who knows Angel is aware that if you're ever within a good quarter-mile radius of her, chances are she'll collide with something- a wall, the floor, a chair, a small child, a Chevy Trailblazer.
By far one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me, in radio, was the day Angel became my cohost on the WBKR morning show. And this is where my letter turns completely serious and echoes Joe's original. She encourages me, she praises me, she challenges me in ways that nobody else on Earth has the power to do so. She is easily one of the most influential people in my life. When I'm stressed or preoccupied, she’s knows it. When I’m down, she can pick me up with a smile, word, or doing something really friggin' stupid.
I am so thankful that Angel is my morning show partner. I have been in this business for 22 years now and the urge to do a great show every day continues. With my amazing sidekick, I still have the burning fire to make people laugh and get their days going with smiles on their faces. Our morning show is my absolute favorite part of my job. That stems purely from the fact that I absolutely love getting up in the morning and spending four hours with her . . . laughing, chatting, swapping stories, crying, arguing, laughing some more, then getting a mop and bottle of Stainmaster Pet.
Happy Birthday, Angel. I couldn't think of anyone better to fry my ever last nerve on a daily basis.