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Ask Jac: Session 1

Before I get started in the first session of Ask Jac, I want to say that by no means am I a therapist or licensed to do this. (Man, that’s a scary thought!)

Just wanted to offer up some friendly advice for all of my radio friends out there.

This is my first session of Ask Jac, let me know if you agree or disagree with my responses.

My 17-year-old son has a serious girlfriend and they have already started talking marriage. I want him to go to college and enjoy his young adulthood. What should I do?

Of course, you know that I don’t have a teenager. But, I guess more recently then not, I was one. And what I remember more than anything, is thinking that I knew, well…everything. And, that I wished my parents would let me live and make my own mistakes. Now, having said that, I share your concerns and as a parent, would feel the same way that you do. There’s a thin line you’re walking and I’m pretty sure you’re aware of that. I think it’s important to let your son know your concerns. Instead of the mommy voice and look yelling at him telling him he’s too young to take care of a wife and kids, ask how he’s going to manage a household and a college schedule.  Instead of  telling him that he will go to college, ask what profession he is wanting to go into and how he plans on achieving that.

By (almost) giving him the answer he wants and by not treating him like a child, he is going to be more open to discuss his true emotions and plans. Well all know too well, sometimes it just takes a little time to realize that what we think we want isn’t at all what we need.

If that doesn’t work, yell at him in the mommy voice and tell him what a huge mistake he’s going to make! :) Of course, I’m kidding about that last part!

So, recently a close friend and his wife separated. They have been together for many years. Within a month of separation he is already dating someone else. Is this too soon given the fact no papers have been served to either party? What is the appropriate time to get back on the playing field so to speak?

This is a hard situation to be in. Anytime friends of ours get divorced or separated, we feel their pain. I think that so many times, we are very protective of the married couples that we are friends with. You do feel that you are going through the hurt that they are, because in some part, I think we like to compare our relationships to others. And, if our close friends can get a divorce,then we could be subject to that too. While saying that, no one ever knows what really goes on in a marriage except for the husband and wife. So many times, we all put on a front or hold back information for the fear of being judged by our friends. If this couple is separating, odds are that their marriage has been rocky for some time. Physical and emotional intimacy has probably been gone for a significant amount of time along with simple appreciation of each other, everyday chit-chat and basic friendship.

So, while it may seem like it’s really soon, and I’m not saying it isn’t… your friend has probably felt isolated for a long time and feels that he now has the freedom to find those things for himself again. But, knowing how concerned you are shows how good of a friend you are and I know you’ll be there for him through this unfortunate process.

(PS… getting the paperwork done before all of this is a pretty good idea too!)

Do you, as I do, think something extracurricular is going on between Martina and that guy from Train?? Hmmmm??

Moon…. get over it! Your obsession with Martina is becoming a little horror movie-ish. Geez… And, that’s coming with someone with a current restraining order against her! C’mon Luke, I haven’t been acting that bad?!? ;)

 

If you have a question for me, submit here http://wbkr.com/ask-jac/

 

Dr. Drew/Ask Jac!

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