Angel’s Real Talk About The Struggles of Co-Parenting Teens
As if being a parent of today's teenagers isn't enough, having to make it work from two different households can place extra strain on the family even when they work well together.
I wouldn't exactly say my ex and I have an award winning relationship or anything but for our children we work to get along and support one another in the decision making process of their lives.
I always worried as my boys got older how we would handle their teen years and it is now hitting us pretty hard.
The world has allowed for our children to think they are entitled to make grown up choices while still being very infantile in their actions. This poses a major issue in our home.
Over the past few years I have noticed my oldest son challenging me and then threatening to just move to his dad's house. For a long time I controlled that until a few months ago when I was done and I packed his butt up and dropped him off in his dad's driveway.
Before I drove off I told him "I love you" his reply was "why are you saying that" I said because I do and one day you will understand. This wasn't about just his attitude it was about his future. He was gone a month and then returned home.
I don't believe in being my kids' best friend at least not right now. I am a parent first. He says I am too strict and my rules are too much and the list goes on and on.
I told my son God entrusted him to me and at the end of life I will have to give an account for how I raised him and my relationship with God pulls rank over being buddy-buddy with my kid.
It's not that their dad is any different it is because he is dad. He's cool and I don't do the things he does. I accepted a long time ago I would take a backseat to their relationship.
And if I am being totally honest it broke my heart and still does. I raised my boys when they were little. I didn't miss games, I was there, I went to lunch almost every single day with them for an entire year of school just because they asked me, up all night when they were sick puking, cuddles, and all. It was just the three of us. You always think it will be enough but I warn and ask you to prepare IT IS NOT.
I say all this because many parents are where I am. I have sat many a night beating myself up thinking I am the only parent going through this with my kids. Asking myself if I failed them. In actuality, lots of you are facing the same uphill battle.
Just a few nights ago when my boys were supposed to return home I was made aware by my middle son, that my oldest had decided on his own he would not be living with me anymore at all.
What it boils down to is that he can't follow my rules and thinks he would be better off away from us. It absolutely crushes my heart to the core. I want to kick and scream and throat punch him. I wanted to drive to his job and drag him out and shake some sense into him. Instead I took a deep breath and let him go.
Not many will understand this. It took a lot of faith, a long talk with my husband, and a whole lot of crying. I am literally walking around with a permanent lump in my throat.
God is in control and I fully trust him. My son may fall on his face. He may do great. I have no idea what will happen, what I do know is I will be here loving my son and on my knees praying through it.
While a big part of me wishes his dad would not allow him to move in and make him learn a hard lesson and that is to apologize and be respectful I am also thankful that he does have a dad that is active in his life.
I could and would never tell someone else how to parent their child because every family is different. What I will say is don't be so hard on yourself and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Even the greatest parents, raising kids the very best way they know how end up with ungrateful children and some of the worst parents in the world end up with amazing ones.
It is part of life. It is the suckiest part of life. I wish I could keep them little forever but they have to learn and grow.
If you are in a co-parent situation like this support the other person. Not for yourself but for your kids. Be selfless in a situation where you want to be selfish.