Here’s Proof that Angel Welsh Isn’t Human
If you've ever met Angel, you know she's not like the rest of us. She's... different. And until yesterday, I couldn't put my finger on what what going on. I have always had my suspicions but yesterday's lunch solidified it for me.
Angel Welsh is actually an ELF.
1. She's really happy, like, all the time. I've been in the car with Angel when she's about to be smashed by another car. I, of course lose my crap because I'm, you know, a human. What does she do? Laugh! Cackles even. Oh, I'm about to die and take you with me?!!?! BAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! She's so stinkin' jubilant all the time!
2. She very seldom dresses down. Will Ferrell wears his elf outfit every day. No sweats, no casual Fridays. On any given Monday at 5 AM, Angel is dressed to the nines. I think it's a throwback to her former alternative elf-lifestyle. And the ruffles this woman wears...
3. Aside from those Lord of the Rings elves (which were sooo fakey), most elves are tiny in stature. It goes without saying, Angel is no basketball star.
4. She has a lot of energy. Elves work at max capacity all the time - making cookies, making toys, stealing underpants. Oh wait, that's gnomes. Anyway, ask Angel what she's doing any given Friday night. It goes something like this, "Feeding the homeless, judging a beauty pageant, performing a Broadway number in a fundraiser, hosting a singing competition, attending my four children's individual events, doing a Bible study, going on a date with Joe, shop at various consignment shops to make sure I'm ready to look FAB on Monday morning, and steal some underpants." And she gets up and runs before she comes to work at 5 AM. WHO DOES THAT? An elf... that's who.
5. She lives with elves and knows Santa personally. MMMk? Check out the below video we made a few years ago.
6. And the most pointed evidence came just yesterday at lunch. I took Angel to Gangnam Korean BBQ. We both ordered the glass noodles with shrimp. It was delicious. She took one ONE bite and goes, ew you know what this needs? Something sweet! She looks around, grabs a couple sweet-n-low packets and dumps them on her plate. Then gobbled it up. I was shocked. SHOCKED.
There you have it. Angel Welsh is, in fact, an elf living among humans. They should make a movie about her...