Suppose all cities across America provided "starter kits" for new residents--items that really identify the city in question.

How about Minneapolis? Certainly, you'd get a map to the Mall of America and complimentary Prince music. Somewhere in that bag, there would have to be Minnesota Twins and Minnesota Vikings swag. If I were creating the starter kit, I'd include a gift card to this really cool British pub downtown. Order the Scotch egg when you get there.

The Nashville starter kit would be enormous, with lots of maps TO and gift cards FOR restaurants that serve up hot chicken. You'll need a guide to all the bars that feature live performances; in Music City, you can't throw a dart without hitting one. This is kind of high-end, but Nashville can swing to everything at Bridgestone Arena in a calendar year. You'll get basketball, hockey, live music, and awards shows. I think it's perfect.

The Louisville starter kit should come with keys to a helicopter, so you can fly OVER it during rush hour. On the other hand, you can drive right through the middle of it on Sunday morning without issue, so I'd throw that recommendation into the bag. Obviously, a mint julep kit should be in the STARTER kit, along with a history of the Kentucky Derby. Louisville Cardinal season tickets and a Kentucky Hot Brown also must be in there.

It would be fun to do this all day, but we have to get to the really important one. So how about an "Owensboro starter kit?"

I imagine it could contain the following items:

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