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Chad’s List of the Five Worst Songs Ever Recorded [Video]

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I was sitting in Pizza Roma on Carter Road Saturday night enjoying my delicious Hot Cheese Sticks and Baked Spaghetti.  About that time the song “Easy” by Lionel Richie & The Commodores started to play on the satellite radio.  I absolutely HATE that song and I immediately starting getting the bubble guts.  I can’t tell you why.  I have absolutely no specific explanation for it.  But the song drives me up a wall and I literally have a physical reaction to it. Maybe something traumatic happened to me as a child while Lionel Richie was singing.  It’s possible.  But the mere thought of that song makes my skin crawl like I’m in the movie Scanners or Bug with Ashley Judd.  Then it hit me.  There are other songs that have the same effect on me and I should share them as a public service.  So, here they are!  The Worst Five Songs Ever.  The five songs that make me want to take an ice pick and Sharon Stone my ear drums!

Now the first four songs on this dreadful, bile-inducing list are presented in no particular order.  And here they are . . .

Easy- The Commodores

I have explained.  Childhood trauma while Lionel was singing.  Convinced.

Babe- Styx

I’m not sure why this song gives me the creeps so badly.  After all, if any Styx song should send me to the ceiling like a cat it’s “Mr. Roboto.”  But there’s something so To Catch a Predator about this.  And doesn’t anyone else feel like they need to take a hooker’s bath in the sink when he resolves the chorus with that droopy “Babe, I love you?”  Get me a loofah and the key to the restroom at a Stuckey’s.  I feel dirty.

Coming Up- Paul McCartney

Was he for real with that?  That song is literally the musical equivalent of a Jack-in-the-Box.  And you know what I wanna do when I see a Jack-in-the-Box “coming up”?  I want to grab a sledge hammer and play Whack-a-Mole!

Tears of a Clown- Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

Smokey = Stranger Danger.  He’s right up there with Roy Orbison on my “Don’t walk into a dark alley, wear snug gym shorts or eat a Tootsie Roll Pop around him” list.

But, if you ask me, the single worst song ever recorded is this one.  It freaks me out every time I hear it.  I can’t stand the guy’s voice.  I abhor the chord progression because it sounds like some creeper leaping and bounding down the street at me.  My friend Amy’s parents danced to this at their wedding.  She was always highly offended that I objected to this song so badly and had visceral reactions anytime I heard it.  But nothing about this song makes me HAPPY.  It’s awful.  And I am getting an upset stomach as I type this.  So, I’m gonna grab some Pepto and you can watch this purely wretched performance of the worst song ever recorded.

Happy Together- The Turtles

 

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